Who do I need to Care for Most?

Gill R

Our role as mum tends to mean we are expected to care for our family. Who needs the most care from me at any specific time? It might be the new born baby, the aged parent, the child with special needs, the husband who is stressed at work, the unwell aunt or uncle, the dog, the cat or the rabbit. But where am I in the pile? Number 10 on the list?

It can feel like there’s just too much to do, too many jobs on the list, too many places to go to, overwhelm of simply too much of everything. And everyone wants a piece of you, the pound of flesh, so every which way you turn, there’s jobs, jobs and more jobs. It is interesting we come into this life with no-one to care for and we leave with our last breath from ourselves, so why do we sacrifice our care for ourselves below caring for others?

What does self-care mean? It surely isn’t just having a girlie spa day, a deep soaking bath at the end of the day, or putting your feet up and reading a book. It can be some of those things for sure but self-care is much more to do with our everyday daily actions and thoughts. It is so easy to think we will put off caring for ourselves until the end of the day, and then when that time comes, we’re too exhausted and simply want to go to bed.

All our movements in all moments in the day can be built to be very self-caring. They can be really simple little things, such as going to the toilet when we get the message and not delaying it for another hour when we eventually make the space. I remember when I had small children, I had to make a specific time to have a shower, otherwise it would be midday before I realised I’d just splashed some water on my face hours ago. What about using hand cream after washing up? We dress the kids up with coats, hats, scarves to find when we get outside, we’ve forgotten our own gloves. And what about uncaring thoughts we can have of ‘I’m not good enough’, I’m too fat, I don’ t like my breasts/thighs/ tummy/ flabby arms/love handles’, whatever your take is. All those self-bashing thoughts have an effect on how we feel about ourselves and our self-care. When we stop those depreciating self-sabotaging thoughts and focus on how gorgeous our eyes/ hair/hands/ skin looks, it feels a very different story.

If we don’t care for ourselves, how do we expect others to value us?

How does anyone know whether you look after yourself or not? When someone cares for themselves, it tends to shine out through their bright eyes, healthy skin or the care of how they’ve got dressed or put their outfit together. There’s a vibrancy of love within themselves that can be felt. When we bring a full bucket of ourselves to everything we do, everyone gets all of us. When we are down, the ship sinks as well. We may have been taught that putting ourselves first is selfish but what if it is the most self lovingly thing that benefits everyone else as well as ourselves because we have built a strong foundation based on love?

Maybe the person I need to care for the most is myself …. I am worth it.